Lessons from the Affianced

Zazu: Oh, just look at you two. Little seeds of romance blossoming in the savannah. Your parents will be thrilled, what with your being betrothed and all.
Simba: Be-what?
Zazu: Betrothed. Intended. Affianced.
Nala: Meaning...?
Zazu: One day, you two are going to be married!
Simba: Yuck.



It's been exactly one month since Ben and I got engaged. (If you didn't already know that well...sorry for not telling you. But better late than never, eh?) We knew each other for somewhere between 1-2 months just as friends. Then we dated for 6 years and one month (and 4 days, but who's really counting?). Now we've been engaged for 31 days, and while most of the time things feel pretty much the same, here are a few lessons I've learned already about the differences between "just dating" and "on the road to marriage."


1. The ring, holy crap, the ring!

I've never been big into jewelry, and when I say that I mean that a) my ears aren't pierced and I never wear anklets or bracelets, b) the only necklace I ever wear is a silver chain given to me by Ben, and c) I grew up playing sports, piano, and doing any number of other things that taught me that wearing jewelry will only hurt me in the end (and keep your fingernails trimmed at all times). But man I love this ring. I never knew that I could like a piece of jewelry as much as I do. Point C is still valid-- I've already made myself bleed at least twice that I can remember from this thing-- but the pain is worth it. The ring is gorgeous and every time I look at it I think about what it represents it only makes me happier.


2. There are a lot of ugly wedding dresses out there

Not only are they ugly, but someone out there must actually think they're pretty, otherwise they wouldn't be on the market in the first place. That bothers me.


3. I freak out more easily and more often now

I have two wedding books-- compliments of my mother-- that I am reading right now and coming to grips with the massive task ahead puts me more than a little on edge. One book said (paraphrasing here): "this is the most elaborate, biggest ritual/gathering you will ever host" which, when I think of it that way, is pretty overwhelming. I think my stress level is a notch higher on average than it was two months ago and I expect it will stay that way for the next year or so. But Ben's been a big help in keeping that stress level only one notch higher, rather than 4 or 5!


4. It's not "me and my boyfriend" anymore, it's "We"

Being a united front is key. It took me maybe 30 minutes to figure that one out. It's not something "I" was thinking about, it's something "We" were considering. I think the reason people go through engagements is to practice for raising kids. This is the precursor to the whole parenting technique of agreeing with your partner's decision whether or not you agree with them and then debating it later in private.